I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
