So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
