just tell him i said nine months
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
