Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
