She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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