Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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