How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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