Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
