So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
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The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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