I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
