Jerry, you need to find god
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
