im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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