If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
