i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
