i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
