sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
