she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Randomize
