my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
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good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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