what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
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