I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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