I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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