So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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