the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
