His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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