I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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