Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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