Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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