pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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