member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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