You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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