I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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