my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
