How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
