So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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