If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
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just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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