4 words: hood of his car
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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