is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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