a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My feet surprised me
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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