all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
