My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
