This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Every concussion has its silver lining
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
