you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
