I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
