Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
