peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
