Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
