I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
