Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
