no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
