You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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