I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
