he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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