tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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