Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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