just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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