what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
