dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
