imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
