wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
