I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
