he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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