When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
