I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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